Faith and Heaven

Hey Everyone!

(Spoiler Alert for people who haven't seen Room)



I watched the movie Room and it was such a great metaphor about faith and how Heaven will be that I had to write about it. 

This movie is not about Heaven at all. It is actually about two people that were held captive for years in an enclosed space. A woman, Joy - frequently called Ma, and her young son, named Jack, finally gain their freedom, allowing the boy to experience the outside world for the first time. 

Jack was born in 'Room' and had never been outside of it. He was so used to living in it and didn't know anything different. His 'Ma' tells him of the outside world and what it is like. He initially didn't trust his mother and didn't believe what she said about the outside world. He didn't believe that 'TV' people were real people. He didn't believe there were dogs, just cartoon dogs. Slowly, he began to have faith and trust what she was saying. When Jack initially escapes and starts to see things he had only heard about through his mom, he was stunned - trees, dogs, grass, cars, etc - it was all real!

Aren't we so similar to Jack? We get so comfortable on Earth and we don't trust God when he says in John 14:2-4:

"2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4 You know the way to the place where I am going."

We often don't think about death because it is a "scary" subject. I have had the privilege (yes, privilege) of coming to terms with something we are all going to do at some point: die. Do I have my struggles? Sure, we wouldn't be human if we did not get scared every now and then, but the great thing is I do trust God and have faith that he will bring me to one of his many rooms when it is my time.

Not a very smooth transition, but wanted to give a quick update on what's ahead for me and my family: 
- Liz completed her first 5k!! She was there to support me on Sunday when I ran the half marathon in 1:41:07!!
- March 29th we are heading back up to Vandy for another scan. 
- We have the results meeting the following morning, so please keep us in your prayers during that time.

As always thank you for all the prayers and continued support from those near and far!

much love,
Nathan

Slowing Down my Pace

Hey Everyone!

Here's an update on what's been going on the past couple months:

• We went to Vandy for our MRI scan in January and there was a 'suspicious' spot, so he wanted us to come back in February for another scan (typically, they do an MRI every two months, so this was an exception. He wanted to see if it changed over the course of the month). 

• So we went back up to Vandy the first week of February. This time the MRI showed that the spot hadn't changed at all - which is great news and means no regrowth for now. There is a chance the 'suspicious spot' is scar tissue -which would be amazing- but Dr. Moots didn't want to label it unless it stays the same for about a year. Here is the most recent MRI pic:

The scan on the left is the most recent (Feb) and the one on the right is January's Scan

• We don't have to go back up to Vandy for another scan until the last week of March! We celebrated the good news with my Mom, Dad and Step-mom in Nashville.

• My 4th cycle of Chemo was terrible. They increased the dose 20%, and I felt nauseous and didn't have an appetite. I am currently in the middle of my 5th cycle of Chemo (I will stay on the increased dosage from here on out), and this time I feel much better. I can't really figure out this Chemo stuff!

My Dad and I were talking over the weekend about the half-marathon I am training for. We were both sprinters in high school. I ran the 110m high hurdles, 300m hurdles, and 400m. We started talking about how if we are going to have pain, we want it all at once, but it can't last long. Pain compacted into short periods of time. That's how I am built, but I think God is trying to teach me something with this half-marathon...

I recently spoke with someone who is writing a story on the marathon and wanted to interview me about why I wanted to do it... I told her, "I think God is trying to teach me a lesson: to be able to endure pain over longer periods of time and to slow down my pace, not only in the race but in life as well."

So often, I try to rush through the pain, sometimes not even acknowledging it, because that is how I have coped with things in the past. God is trying to prepare me and my family for a long journey with this battle. Where it leads? I don't know, but I truly trust whatever happens next is God's will, and I know there is more pain ahead. There is for all of us, but with God's strength, nothing can defeat us. 

As it's written in Psalm 46:1-3,

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."

I will leave you all with a excerpt from Upside to Adversity that has really stuck with me, and taught me God is using whatever pain we are going through to mold and shape us to be more like Him:

"Someone once described suffering as God's manure for spiritual growth. Manure is not the most pleasant substance in the world, but we can't deny that it promotes growth. No matter what happens in our lives, we know that nothing happens without God's foreknowledge and permission. He always knows what we are going through-and why. God has a plan for the "manure" of our affliction. It is not a plan to hurt us, but to heal us and help us grow."

As always, thank you to those who continue to keep our family in your prayers!

Much Love,

Nathan

Rest

Hey Everyone! It’s Nathan.


Here is a quick update of what is happening over the next month or two:

• I was published in Forbes, which was pretty sweet.

• We are going to Vandy Jan. 7 for an MRI scan, and we have our results meeting on Jan. 8. This scan will be much more telling, in terms of regrowth or lack thereof, since the effects of radiation have worn off and the swelling has decreased. We will definitely update everyone. 

• Next week I start my 4th cycle of chemo.

• I am going to run a half marathon (lord willing) on March 6, 2016 to benefit the American Brain Tumor Association (ABTA). If you are a runner - or even if you are not - they have a 5k, half and full marathon. To sign up under our ABTA team click here. Please note, you still have to register for the event. The team registration is to say that you are representing the ABTA and to raise money for them. 

Now for the good stuff..

In Tim Keller’s Podcast, Work and Rest, he discusses what the Sabbath is all about. He talks about a lot of stuff, but one point stuck with me: how we will never truly be able to ‘rest’ until we stop the underlying need to try to prove ourselves.

I have thought about this point a lot and it seems like God gives us these incredible gifts, that quickly turn into weaknesses if they are not kept in check.

I feel the need to prove myself in everything, whether it is something important like work, sports or some stupid game- like Uno. It doesn’t matter. I always want to be the best at whatever I do. It is a good thing to have drive and ambition, but if kept unchecked, it can slowly become a self-destructing force. It means family gets pushed aside to focus solely on work, because I have to be the first one to respond to an email. It means focusing solely on climbing and justifying being late for a dinner with my family.

I am not even sure who I am trying to prove myself to? Even in High School, I didn’t really care about incentives from my parents for good grades. I wanted to make good grades because I wanted to be the best.

In Donald Miller’s book Scary Close - if you haven’t read it, it is a must read - he talks about how ‘being funny’ was his persona: something he could always hide behind. God gave him the gift of a good sense of humor, but it spiraled into something that God did not intend. At parties, Donald put on his persona of the ‘funny guy’, even though the real Donald was dying on the inside. Being funny became his idol.

I hide behind ‘attempting to be the best’. That is my persona, and I feel like I have to keep up the act for people to continue liking me - which I consciously know is not true, but it is so deep seeded at this point it is hard for me to pull that ‘mask’ down to find out.

As my Dad said “It’s not our weaknesses that get us into trouble, but our strengths. If our strengths are left uncontrolled, they begin to become false idols.” Don’t let the gifts God has given us turn into idols or something we hide behind.


This blog was kinda all over the place, so here are the main takeaways:

• There is no reason to try and prove yourself. God knows exactly what we are and to try to prove yourself to him would be foolish.

• Strengths can turn into idols if left unchecked. Don’t let God’s gift turn into a weakness 

• I am working on laying down ‘my mask’ of being the best. God gave me drive and ambition, and I am letting it take control of my life. 

We couldn’t have made it this far without all the love and support from everyone. Especially, Beautycounter - a company whose mission is to produce safe, carcinogen free healthcare products. Elizabeth's dream has been to go to Paris, so we decided a while back that we would go for our 5th anniversary and have been saving for the trip ever since. Beautycounter asked all their sales reps to submit Christmas wishes, so Katie (Elizabeth's sister) wrote that liz's dream has always been to go to paris and wrote about all we have been through over the past six months. Long story short, they are sending us on an all expenses paid trip to Paris!!! So thank you, thank you, thank you Beautycounter!!



Here are some recent pics:

Liz and Jack at the Christmas Choo Choo Express

Stewart (liz's brother) and Jenny's Wedding!

Snoopers Rock

Much Love,

Nate

Second Round of Chemo in the Books

Hey! It's Nathan.

Here is a quick update since the last post:

Shortly after Liz posted the last blog post, we went to see Dr. Moots for our appointment. We told him about the seizure, and how, now, I feel like I am constantly fighting off seizures throughout the day. So he had us stay overnight to get an unscheduled MRI to make sure everything was still good.

We received the results back the following morning, and everything was great, so thank you to all you prayer warriors out there. I have still been fighting off seizures and it has been well past the 7 day period that your brain needs to recover from a seizure (keep in mind I just finished my second round of chemo last night, so has already been terrible week). So we sent Dr. Moots an email yesterday letting him know what is going on. He said if I still feel like this after the weekend, he wants me to come back next Monday or Tuesday for some EEG testing.

Now you all are all up to date!

So what does fighting off a seizure even mean? Well, for me it means I can't watch TV, do jigsaw puzzles (tried), read more than a few pages, listen to Audible, or basically anything fun, other than coloring and playing Uno without getting the feeling that I am about to have a seizure. My eyes start twitching back and forth, my heart starts racing, and I kinda get this Aura. It is tough to put into words, but that is the best I have.

We have played more Uno over the past 10 days than I would ever want to play in a lifetime... I am just now able to get back on a computer for the first time and it feels incredible!

I will tell you what though, I truly don't know where I would be without Elizabeth. I know I say it every post, but she has been patient, strong, loving, and understanding through all 109,809 games of Uno. She has also gotten pretty good at cooking Ketogenic recipes! She has been a rock that God knew, before I met her, would be there to take the hits and continue sticking her head out for me.

I get so worked up and frustrated when I can't do normal things, like watch TV or go to work, and I can't help but think what is God teaching me here? I am missing something or does He just want me to be miserable?

He wants me to learn patience. 

Things have stopped happening when I want them to. Want to go to work today? Not happening. Want to watch TV? Not happening. He is forcing me to be still, and for someone who constantly tries to fill up his schedule with meetings and appointments, being still is the hardest thing to do. He is purposefully slowing my life down, but why?

I don't know the answer to that question yet, but my dad gave a great analogy. He said:

"When we get to heaven, God is going to press play on our lives and then we will see the butterfly effect of all he has done: The girl who wanted to become a brain surgeon after watching my surgery goes on to create the cure for Glioblastoma, a non-believer reading this blog who becomes the next Tim Keller, etc." 

So no, I don't have the answer, but I truly trust he has a purpose for slowing my life down. Maybe it's to just to stop and remember what is important..

Thank you to all of those who continue to support and pray for me and my family. I wouldn't be here without all the love I have received from you all.

I will leave you with a quote from Os Hillman's "Upside to Adversity". Os is reading the letter of an anonymous old confederate solider:

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve;
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked God for health, that I might do greater things;I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.I asked for riches, that I might be happy;
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men;
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life;
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am, among men, most richly blessed.

Just because we pray for something does not mean we will get it. The author above received the total opposite, and considered himself 'richly blessed' at the end of the day. Just like the Oracle in the movie The Matrix, she will tell you exactly what you need to hear. She told Neo he wasn't the One, but all along she knew that's EXACTLY what he needed to hear to become the One.

I may be asking for complete healing, but he may have better things in store for me.

Me getting dominated by Liz in our 1,000 game of Uno..

Much Love,
Nathan

For what purpose?

Hey everyone,
It's been a while since we've updated the blog, so I figured I'd bring you all up to speed.

Nathan finished his first round of chemo which was for the month of October. He takes it every 28 days, so he begins his 2nd round this coming Monday. The 1st round hit him a lot harder than we expected. He takes his Temodar (chemo) by pill once a day for five consecutive days in a row. Then, he's off the rest of the month to recover. So, 5 days on chemo and 23 days off.  During those 5 days of his first round of chemo, he pretty much slept the majority of the day because he either felt faint, nauseous, or just exhausted. While he was taking his chemo, he was still on steroids from his radiation treatments back in July/August because his brain was still swollen from that. So, when he finished his chemo, he then had to taper off of steroids that next week. For those of you who have *fortunately* never had to take steroids (no, not the kind that make you buff - quite the opposite, actually), you feel like you have the flu when you stop taking them. So, he was basically out of commission for two weeks and stuck in our house....Not to mention that on top of that, Jack came down with a bad cold and 102 fever. Luckily, my parents came to the rescue on that one. So, between the last week of October and now, he FINALLY was starting to feel normal again. We went to a Halloween party AND a Moon Taxi concert, and Nathan did great! We stayed out until 11:00PM!


This past weekend was Jack's 2nd birthday party. He actually doesn't turn two until November 22nd, but we had it early to work around Nathan's chemo schedule. Jack is pretty much obsessed with any kind of transportation vehicle (planes, trains & automobiles), so we decided to honor Chattanooga and have a Choo Choo themed birthday party. It was so much fun! Nathan felt great throughout the whole weekend. I wish I could post pictures from the party, but our wifi at the hotel is ridiculously slow.

On Monday, Nathan worked a full day. Jack and I came to pick him up (I still have to drive him but his 6 months of 'no driving' ends on December 4th), and everything was normal. We came home, Nathan and Jack set up his new train table, and I was making soup in the kitchen. After Nathan finished, he went into the den to watch TV. Some time after that, I came around the corner to ask him a question and saw that he was having a full-blown seizure. He hasn't had one in 5 months, so I was very shocked - to say the least. Seizures are a very frightening experience but luckily, it lasted a little over a minute, and he was coherent afterward, with the help of some meds. So, now, he's back at square one with recovering AND driving (6 more months of ride-alongs), and now, we're trying to figure out what triggered it after being seizure-free for so long. We already had an appointment scheduled for Wednesday at Vanderbilt with his neuro oncologist (chemo doctor) for a checkup, labs, and to see how his first round of chemo went. Hopefully, we'll find out some answers tomorrow.

Yes, we are frustrated. Yes, we are a little discouraged. No, our faith is not shaken.

"...whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything." - James 1:2-4

We are still praising God for the wonderful gifts in our lives. Although we never refer to it as a "gift", we are seeing God's plan unfold in the midst of Nathan's tumor.  If it weren't for his tumor, Nathan's and my relationship with God would never be this strong nor this transparent. Yes, we are suffering. In more ways than I can think of. But, won't we all suffer at some point in our lives? Everyone in this life will. No one is spared from suffering.

In "Holding on to Hope," Nancy Guthrie writes:

In today's modern world, we expect a cure for every illness, a replacement for every loss, a fix for every failure. We are shocked when hardship comes our way.

When Job's world completely fell apart, his wife said to him, "Are you still trying to maintain your integrity? Curse God and die."  But Job replied, "You talk like a godless woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?"' - Job 2:10

-Job's acceptance and even expectation of both good and bad things from God is in sharp contrast to our expectations today, which is why we have such a hard time responding to suffering in a godly way like Job did. We have an unspoken expectation that a good God will bring only what we consider to be good things in our lives. We never expect him to allow and perhaps even bring difficulty in our lives. But he does.

"For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men"
-Lamentations 3:31-33.

---So, what does this mean? No suffering for God's children? NO.

It means no meaningless suffering. If God has allowed suffering into your life, it is for a purpose. A good purpose. A holy purpose.

The world tells us to run from suffering, to avoid it at all costs, to cry out to heaven to take it away. Few of us would choose to suffer. Yet when we know that God has allowed suffering into our lives for a purpose, we can embrace it instead of running from it, and we can seek God in the midst of suffering.

So now, instead of asking God, "Why? Why Nathan? Why us?" We're trying to move toward, "For what purpose?" ...and I think the answer is to show others the glory of God.

Thank you for your continued prayers,
Elizabeth

October Update

Dear Prayer Partners,

Nathan has completed 6 weeks of chemo + radiation treatments which has been followed by a 4 week treatment-free period to allow him to regain strength and rest. During that time, his “rest” included a Knoxville and Chattanooga Celebration-from-Treatment party and even a trip to the Bahamas for 4 days. (Yes, we had a ball until the hurricane came calling!)

 This week Nathan had his first MRI since this brain tumor was removed. We went to Vanderbilt with him and the results were encouraging. I understand it, an MRI is a bit tough to read this close to radiation treatments because the radiation causes the brain to swell. Cancer cells and inflammation look the same in an MRI. There were “enhanced” areas on the MRI but the oncologist and radiologist both agreed that that they were a result of the inflammation from the treatments. So, we entered that appointment as a win for the home team and left relieved and grateful.

 Nathan will no longer get radiation treatments but his chemo will increase. Starting next week, he will begin taking chemo again but this time it will be in larger doses than before. He will take Temodar for 5 days and then no chemo for the next 25 days. That cycle will continue for 6-12 months. He will go back to Vanderbilt in 1-2 months for another MRI.

 To his credit, Nathan has kept a great attitude and an understated, steady faith which is infectious and uplifting. He has voluntarily committed to a strict ketosis diet in an effort to starve cancer while feeding the healthy ones. I am not sure what all that diet entails, but from what little I have seen, every food that I like is prohibited. Nathan exercises and goes to work almost every day, even after double treatments. Like most of us, I learn more by watching than my hearing and class never ends for me when it comes to how Nathan continues to deal with all this. Moreover, I could not be more grateful for his sweet, unfailingly supportive wife Elizabeth. They are a great pair.

 Thank you so much for your persistent prayers and many varied acts of kindness that in so many different ways have demonstrated your unselfish love. So many people have simply been so kind, truly so, so, kind.

 God continues to be Good. Even in the midst of this dark situation He continues to illuminate unexpected corners with joy, healing and . My brothers and sisters at Community Evangelistic Church will sometimes say, “No Test, No Testimony.” Amen. One thing we can say with certainly is that God is building in us a testimony and who doesn't like a good story?


Blessing on Each of You!


Buddy Sexton

Our month off

Hey everyone! We haven't blogged for some time, so I thought I'd give everyone a quick update.

We are finishing up our month off from treatment - which went by incredibly too fast. This past month was a blast filled with birthday parties, engagement parties, Nathan's "end of radiation celebration", a trip to the Bahamas, and ended with my 10 year high school reunion. We lived it up over the past 4 weeks! Nathan has been pretty good this past month. He's had some major headaches here and there, but, for the most part, he's felt well. Below are some pictures to document our fun...

Last weekend of August:

Stewart  & Jenny's engagement party on Nathan's last weekend of treatment

Nathan, me, Jack, Stewart (my brother), Jenny, Miller, Katie (my sister), Eloise (our neice), my mom, Beth, and my dad, Buddy

1st weekend of September:

Jack and Nathan at Simms' 2nd birthday party!

Nathan, Hannah (his sister) and Simms (our nephew)

Jack, obviously having a blast!

Nathan & friends in Knoxville to celebrate Nathan finishing radiation

James, Nathan, Walter, Paul, Cal & Carson

2nd weekend of September:

Nathan's "End of Radiation Celebration" in Chattanooga

Nathan and his mama, Gretchen, celebrating in Chattanooga 

Alex, Nathan & Stephen  in Chattanooga

Nathan and Matt

Girlfriends celebrating in Chattanooga

Kate, Hannon, Meredith, Liz, baby Grainger, me, baby Thomas, Lindsey, and Katie

Our sweet Jack playing football at the party

3rd weekend of September:

Nathan, Jack and me in Knoxville to cheer on our Vols!
(Clearly, it hasn't been helping them...)

4th weekend of September:

Our view from our room in the Bahamas

Nathan and his dad, Buddy, on the beach

Nathan and me swimming with Palmer, the dolphin

Nathan and me in the Bahamas

Nathan's dad, Buddy, his stepmom, Debbie, Nathan and me having a great beach day!

  

Now, back to reality. Ugh.

We are leaving tomorrow for Vanderbilt for a follow up MRI to see how well Nathan responded to those 6 weeks of chemo and radiation back in August. His doctors wanted to wait a month after treatment to run these tests, because his brain was too swollen to do them immediately after treatment. Because of the swelling, they wouldn't be able to tell if there was any regrowth and if he responded positively to treatment. So, tomorrow is the big day! Nathan goes in at 3pm for labs and 4pm for his MRI. We are spending the night in Nashville tomorrow night, and we meet with his doctor on Wednesday morning at 8:30 to discuss the results and our next steps. To all you prayer warriors out there, please pray for good results from this MRI and specifically that there isn't any regrowth.

Thank you for all of your support and prayers. We truly appreciate each one.

Love,
Elizabeth