For what purpose?

Hey everyone,
It's been a while since we've updated the blog, so I figured I'd bring you all up to speed.

Nathan finished his first round of chemo which was for the month of October. He takes it every 28 days, so he begins his 2nd round this coming Monday. The 1st round hit him a lot harder than we expected. He takes his Temodar (chemo) by pill once a day for five consecutive days in a row. Then, he's off the rest of the month to recover. So, 5 days on chemo and 23 days off.  During those 5 days of his first round of chemo, he pretty much slept the majority of the day because he either felt faint, nauseous, or just exhausted. While he was taking his chemo, he was still on steroids from his radiation treatments back in July/August because his brain was still swollen from that. So, when he finished his chemo, he then had to taper off of steroids that next week. For those of you who have *fortunately* never had to take steroids (no, not the kind that make you buff - quite the opposite, actually), you feel like you have the flu when you stop taking them. So, he was basically out of commission for two weeks and stuck in our house....Not to mention that on top of that, Jack came down with a bad cold and 102 fever. Luckily, my parents came to the rescue on that one. So, between the last week of October and now, he FINALLY was starting to feel normal again. We went to a Halloween party AND a Moon Taxi concert, and Nathan did great! We stayed out until 11:00PM!


This past weekend was Jack's 2nd birthday party. He actually doesn't turn two until November 22nd, but we had it early to work around Nathan's chemo schedule. Jack is pretty much obsessed with any kind of transportation vehicle (planes, trains & automobiles), so we decided to honor Chattanooga and have a Choo Choo themed birthday party. It was so much fun! Nathan felt great throughout the whole weekend. I wish I could post pictures from the party, but our wifi at the hotel is ridiculously slow.

On Monday, Nathan worked a full day. Jack and I came to pick him up (I still have to drive him but his 6 months of 'no driving' ends on December 4th), and everything was normal. We came home, Nathan and Jack set up his new train table, and I was making soup in the kitchen. After Nathan finished, he went into the den to watch TV. Some time after that, I came around the corner to ask him a question and saw that he was having a full-blown seizure. He hasn't had one in 5 months, so I was very shocked - to say the least. Seizures are a very frightening experience but luckily, it lasted a little over a minute, and he was coherent afterward, with the help of some meds. So, now, he's back at square one with recovering AND driving (6 more months of ride-alongs), and now, we're trying to figure out what triggered it after being seizure-free for so long. We already had an appointment scheduled for Wednesday at Vanderbilt with his neuro oncologist (chemo doctor) for a checkup, labs, and to see how his first round of chemo went. Hopefully, we'll find out some answers tomorrow.

Yes, we are frustrated. Yes, we are a little discouraged. No, our faith is not shaken.

"...whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything." - James 1:2-4

We are still praising God for the wonderful gifts in our lives. Although we never refer to it as a "gift", we are seeing God's plan unfold in the midst of Nathan's tumor.  If it weren't for his tumor, Nathan's and my relationship with God would never be this strong nor this transparent. Yes, we are suffering. In more ways than I can think of. But, won't we all suffer at some point in our lives? Everyone in this life will. No one is spared from suffering.

In "Holding on to Hope," Nancy Guthrie writes:

In today's modern world, we expect a cure for every illness, a replacement for every loss, a fix for every failure. We are shocked when hardship comes our way.

When Job's world completely fell apart, his wife said to him, "Are you still trying to maintain your integrity? Curse God and die."  But Job replied, "You talk like a godless woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?"' - Job 2:10

-Job's acceptance and even expectation of both good and bad things from God is in sharp contrast to our expectations today, which is why we have such a hard time responding to suffering in a godly way like Job did. We have an unspoken expectation that a good God will bring only what we consider to be good things in our lives. We never expect him to allow and perhaps even bring difficulty in our lives. But he does.

"For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men"
-Lamentations 3:31-33.

---So, what does this mean? No suffering for God's children? NO.

It means no meaningless suffering. If God has allowed suffering into your life, it is for a purpose. A good purpose. A holy purpose.

The world tells us to run from suffering, to avoid it at all costs, to cry out to heaven to take it away. Few of us would choose to suffer. Yet when we know that God has allowed suffering into our lives for a purpose, we can embrace it instead of running from it, and we can seek God in the midst of suffering.

So now, instead of asking God, "Why? Why Nathan? Why us?" We're trying to move toward, "For what purpose?" ...and I think the answer is to show others the glory of God.

Thank you for your continued prayers,
Elizabeth