Second Round of Chemo in the Books

Hey! It's Nathan.

Here is a quick update since the last post:

Shortly after Liz posted the last blog post, we went to see Dr. Moots for our appointment. We told him about the seizure, and how, now, I feel like I am constantly fighting off seizures throughout the day. So he had us stay overnight to get an unscheduled MRI to make sure everything was still good.

We received the results back the following morning, and everything was great, so thank you to all you prayer warriors out there. I have still been fighting off seizures and it has been well past the 7 day period that your brain needs to recover from a seizure (keep in mind I just finished my second round of chemo last night, so has already been terrible week). So we sent Dr. Moots an email yesterday letting him know what is going on. He said if I still feel like this after the weekend, he wants me to come back next Monday or Tuesday for some EEG testing.

Now you all are all up to date!

So what does fighting off a seizure even mean? Well, for me it means I can't watch TV, do jigsaw puzzles (tried), read more than a few pages, listen to Audible, or basically anything fun, other than coloring and playing Uno without getting the feeling that I am about to have a seizure. My eyes start twitching back and forth, my heart starts racing, and I kinda get this Aura. It is tough to put into words, but that is the best I have.

We have played more Uno over the past 10 days than I would ever want to play in a lifetime... I am just now able to get back on a computer for the first time and it feels incredible!

I will tell you what though, I truly don't know where I would be without Elizabeth. I know I say it every post, but she has been patient, strong, loving, and understanding through all 109,809 games of Uno. She has also gotten pretty good at cooking Ketogenic recipes! She has been a rock that God knew, before I met her, would be there to take the hits and continue sticking her head out for me.

I get so worked up and frustrated when I can't do normal things, like watch TV or go to work, and I can't help but think what is God teaching me here? I am missing something or does He just want me to be miserable?

He wants me to learn patience. 

Things have stopped happening when I want them to. Want to go to work today? Not happening. Want to watch TV? Not happening. He is forcing me to be still, and for someone who constantly tries to fill up his schedule with meetings and appointments, being still is the hardest thing to do. He is purposefully slowing my life down, but why?

I don't know the answer to that question yet, but my dad gave a great analogy. He said:

"When we get to heaven, God is going to press play on our lives and then we will see the butterfly effect of all he has done: The girl who wanted to become a brain surgeon after watching my surgery goes on to create the cure for Glioblastoma, a non-believer reading this blog who becomes the next Tim Keller, etc." 

So no, I don't have the answer, but I truly trust he has a purpose for slowing my life down. Maybe it's to just to stop and remember what is important..

Thank you to all of those who continue to support and pray for me and my family. I wouldn't be here without all the love I have received from you all.

I will leave you with a quote from Os Hillman's "Upside to Adversity". Os is reading the letter of an anonymous old confederate solider:

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve;
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked God for health, that I might do greater things;I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.I asked for riches, that I might be happy;
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men;
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life;
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am, among men, most richly blessed.

Just because we pray for something does not mean we will get it. The author above received the total opposite, and considered himself 'richly blessed' at the end of the day. Just like the Oracle in the movie The Matrix, she will tell you exactly what you need to hear. She told Neo he wasn't the One, but all along she knew that's EXACTLY what he needed to hear to become the One.

I may be asking for complete healing, but he may have better things in store for me.

Me getting dominated by Liz in our 1,000 game of Uno..

Much Love,
Nathan