Second Round of Chemo in the Books

Hey! It's Nathan.

Here is a quick update since the last post:

Shortly after Liz posted the last blog post, we went to see Dr. Moots for our appointment. We told him about the seizure, and how, now, I feel like I am constantly fighting off seizures throughout the day. So he had us stay overnight to get an unscheduled MRI to make sure everything was still good.

We received the results back the following morning, and everything was great, so thank you to all you prayer warriors out there. I have still been fighting off seizures and it has been well past the 7 day period that your brain needs to recover from a seizure (keep in mind I just finished my second round of chemo last night, so has already been terrible week). So we sent Dr. Moots an email yesterday letting him know what is going on. He said if I still feel like this after the weekend, he wants me to come back next Monday or Tuesday for some EEG testing.

Now you all are all up to date!

So what does fighting off a seizure even mean? Well, for me it means I can't watch TV, do jigsaw puzzles (tried), read more than a few pages, listen to Audible, or basically anything fun, other than coloring and playing Uno without getting the feeling that I am about to have a seizure. My eyes start twitching back and forth, my heart starts racing, and I kinda get this Aura. It is tough to put into words, but that is the best I have.

We have played more Uno over the past 10 days than I would ever want to play in a lifetime... I am just now able to get back on a computer for the first time and it feels incredible!

I will tell you what though, I truly don't know where I would be without Elizabeth. I know I say it every post, but she has been patient, strong, loving, and understanding through all 109,809 games of Uno. She has also gotten pretty good at cooking Ketogenic recipes! She has been a rock that God knew, before I met her, would be there to take the hits and continue sticking her head out for me.

I get so worked up and frustrated when I can't do normal things, like watch TV or go to work, and I can't help but think what is God teaching me here? I am missing something or does He just want me to be miserable?

He wants me to learn patience. 

Things have stopped happening when I want them to. Want to go to work today? Not happening. Want to watch TV? Not happening. He is forcing me to be still, and for someone who constantly tries to fill up his schedule with meetings and appointments, being still is the hardest thing to do. He is purposefully slowing my life down, but why?

I don't know the answer to that question yet, but my dad gave a great analogy. He said:

"When we get to heaven, God is going to press play on our lives and then we will see the butterfly effect of all he has done: The girl who wanted to become a brain surgeon after watching my surgery goes on to create the cure for Glioblastoma, a non-believer reading this blog who becomes the next Tim Keller, etc." 

So no, I don't have the answer, but I truly trust he has a purpose for slowing my life down. Maybe it's to just to stop and remember what is important..

Thank you to all of those who continue to support and pray for me and my family. I wouldn't be here without all the love I have received from you all.

I will leave you with a quote from Os Hillman's "Upside to Adversity". Os is reading the letter of an anonymous old confederate solider:

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve;
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked God for health, that I might do greater things;I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.I asked for riches, that I might be happy;
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men;
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life;
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am, among men, most richly blessed.

Just because we pray for something does not mean we will get it. The author above received the total opposite, and considered himself 'richly blessed' at the end of the day. Just like the Oracle in the movie The Matrix, she will tell you exactly what you need to hear. She told Neo he wasn't the One, but all along she knew that's EXACTLY what he needed to hear to become the One.

I may be asking for complete healing, but he may have better things in store for me.

Me getting dominated by Liz in our 1,000 game of Uno..

Much Love,
Nathan

For what purpose?

Hey everyone,
It's been a while since we've updated the blog, so I figured I'd bring you all up to speed.

Nathan finished his first round of chemo which was for the month of October. He takes it every 28 days, so he begins his 2nd round this coming Monday. The 1st round hit him a lot harder than we expected. He takes his Temodar (chemo) by pill once a day for five consecutive days in a row. Then, he's off the rest of the month to recover. So, 5 days on chemo and 23 days off.  During those 5 days of his first round of chemo, he pretty much slept the majority of the day because he either felt faint, nauseous, or just exhausted. While he was taking his chemo, he was still on steroids from his radiation treatments back in July/August because his brain was still swollen from that. So, when he finished his chemo, he then had to taper off of steroids that next week. For those of you who have *fortunately* never had to take steroids (no, not the kind that make you buff - quite the opposite, actually), you feel like you have the flu when you stop taking them. So, he was basically out of commission for two weeks and stuck in our house....Not to mention that on top of that, Jack came down with a bad cold and 102 fever. Luckily, my parents came to the rescue on that one. So, between the last week of October and now, he FINALLY was starting to feel normal again. We went to a Halloween party AND a Moon Taxi concert, and Nathan did great! We stayed out until 11:00PM!


This past weekend was Jack's 2nd birthday party. He actually doesn't turn two until November 22nd, but we had it early to work around Nathan's chemo schedule. Jack is pretty much obsessed with any kind of transportation vehicle (planes, trains & automobiles), so we decided to honor Chattanooga and have a Choo Choo themed birthday party. It was so much fun! Nathan felt great throughout the whole weekend. I wish I could post pictures from the party, but our wifi at the hotel is ridiculously slow.

On Monday, Nathan worked a full day. Jack and I came to pick him up (I still have to drive him but his 6 months of 'no driving' ends on December 4th), and everything was normal. We came home, Nathan and Jack set up his new train table, and I was making soup in the kitchen. After Nathan finished, he went into the den to watch TV. Some time after that, I came around the corner to ask him a question and saw that he was having a full-blown seizure. He hasn't had one in 5 months, so I was very shocked - to say the least. Seizures are a very frightening experience but luckily, it lasted a little over a minute, and he was coherent afterward, with the help of some meds. So, now, he's back at square one with recovering AND driving (6 more months of ride-alongs), and now, we're trying to figure out what triggered it after being seizure-free for so long. We already had an appointment scheduled for Wednesday at Vanderbilt with his neuro oncologist (chemo doctor) for a checkup, labs, and to see how his first round of chemo went. Hopefully, we'll find out some answers tomorrow.

Yes, we are frustrated. Yes, we are a little discouraged. No, our faith is not shaken.

"...whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything." - James 1:2-4

We are still praising God for the wonderful gifts in our lives. Although we never refer to it as a "gift", we are seeing God's plan unfold in the midst of Nathan's tumor.  If it weren't for his tumor, Nathan's and my relationship with God would never be this strong nor this transparent. Yes, we are suffering. In more ways than I can think of. But, won't we all suffer at some point in our lives? Everyone in this life will. No one is spared from suffering.

In "Holding on to Hope," Nancy Guthrie writes:

In today's modern world, we expect a cure for every illness, a replacement for every loss, a fix for every failure. We are shocked when hardship comes our way.

When Job's world completely fell apart, his wife said to him, "Are you still trying to maintain your integrity? Curse God and die."  But Job replied, "You talk like a godless woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?"' - Job 2:10

-Job's acceptance and even expectation of both good and bad things from God is in sharp contrast to our expectations today, which is why we have such a hard time responding to suffering in a godly way like Job did. We have an unspoken expectation that a good God will bring only what we consider to be good things in our lives. We never expect him to allow and perhaps even bring difficulty in our lives. But he does.

"For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men"
-Lamentations 3:31-33.

---So, what does this mean? No suffering for God's children? NO.

It means no meaningless suffering. If God has allowed suffering into your life, it is for a purpose. A good purpose. A holy purpose.

The world tells us to run from suffering, to avoid it at all costs, to cry out to heaven to take it away. Few of us would choose to suffer. Yet when we know that God has allowed suffering into our lives for a purpose, we can embrace it instead of running from it, and we can seek God in the midst of suffering.

So now, instead of asking God, "Why? Why Nathan? Why us?" We're trying to move toward, "For what purpose?" ...and I think the answer is to show others the glory of God.

Thank you for your continued prayers,
Elizabeth