It has been one year since Nathan had those 3 massive seizures at work, one year since Nathan has driven, one year since our lives have been "normal", and (last one) one year since we started to thank God for each day that we have gotten to spend together.
We tried to take a mini vacation to Blue Ridge, GA this weekend to celebrate his one year mark with some rest, relaxation and (per Nathan's request) fly fishing...and all was well... until Friday evening. Nathan sort of had a breakdown to me, because he was being super forgetful and was confused with specific tasks (such as: how/where to breakdown his fishing pole so Jack couldn't reach it, where certain plates are put up after they're clean, bringing his computer out then not remembering what he wanted to use it for, making decisions on what he wants to eat: grilled veggies vs broccoli casserole- was stressing him out). I think being out of his normal routine with his confusion/forgetfulness in a new environment scared him- which I completely understand. That being said, I suggested that we go out to eat that night (last night) so we didn't have to cook nor make decisions about what to cook and that we head back home today. He seemed to be relieved at the idea of coming back to his comfort zone, so we're heading back a day early. I still want to celebrate the one year mark since his diagnosis, so we're going out to dinner tonight night while my parents babysit Jack (thank you mom and dad!).
As I sit here in Blue Ridge, it's really hard for me to think back on that day. I vividly remember the call from my friend, Meredith, telling me about Nathan's seizures via her sister Greyson (an intern at the time at Bellhops), me speeding down the interstate to Bellhops and getting there just in time to see Nathan having his 3rd seizure on the stretcher, finally being able to see him after two hours of waiting- just to see Nathan lying unconscious in the ER with a breathing tube down his throat, and hearing the doctor give me the news, alone, in the hallway that Nathan had a large mass on his brain...then having to relay that news to his whole family. It's a day that I absolutely hate. Hate.
Then I start to think about how it's changed us. How it's changed our relationship with one another. How it's changed our relationship with God. It's made us incredibly positive. We literally (try) to live each day to the fullest, when possible. Yeah, we're still being realistic and know every single statistic about glioblastoma, but we've started to see the silver lining in things and don't get caught up in the small problems of life. It doesn't matter who you are- when you are going through something as big and life-altering as this- you have to stay positive and continue to look up to God for strength and guidance. I distinctly remember my mother-in-law, Gretchen, telling me in the hospital, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle. He gives you MUCH more than you can handle, so you have to lean on Him for strength." Those words have stuck with me all year and they couldn't be more true. Before now, fortunately, I've never been through a "trial" in my life and never really had to look up to God for strength or patience or anything else. Everything has always (in most ways) "gone my way." June 4th, 2015, that way of life was thrown into the gutter. There's literally no other way we could nor would have made it through this year without God's strength and love. Through books, devotionals and counseling, I've learned to not ask God, "Why?" but instead, "For what purpose?" So, although I hate this day, I also have learned to love it because I believe it was the 1st day that God used (and continues to use) Nathan's life to impact so many others to glorify Him, and you can't argue with that.
Here are some pictures from Blue Ridge, GA from this weekend:
I'll leave you all with a devotion that I read from June 4, 2015:
Much love and many thanks,
Elizabeth
Without a doubt, as I read this and tears fill my eyes, I am in awe of the strength of this young couple. The faith and courage exhibited in a single day is more than most of us have to use in a lifetime. You are in my prayers every day as you have been since the first day I knew of this. Our Father always uses the worst for the best. We all know this but to live it, as you two are doing, is exceptional. Continually praying for you all.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Elizabeth, for your powerful, positive presence. Continuing to pray for the evidence of God's hand in your lives.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Elizabeth, for your powerful, positive presence. Continuing to pray for the evidence of God's hand in your lives.
ReplyDeleteI just heard of a young woman who had a terminal Glioblastoma brain tumor. There was no hope except that she got an experimental procedure that a brilliant doctor came up with. He used a live strain of polio and altered it to be absorbed by the Cancer cells only. After a few treatments the tumor was gone on a scan...the "miracle" of modern medicine.
ReplyDeleteI just heard of a young woman who had a terminal Glioblastoma brain tumor. There was no hope except that she got an experimental procedure that a brilliant doctor came up with. He used a live strain of polio and altered it to be absorbed by the Cancer cells only. After a few treatments the tumor was gone on a scan...the "miracle" of modern medicine.
ReplyDelete